It is fair to assume most of us have fairly routine schedules.
We get up in the morning at a set time.
We wrestle the kids out of bed (or vice versa).
We may go to school or to the office.
Or we keep the household running (an even harder job for Moms everywhere).
Once the work day starts, we are running around all day.
On the weekends, we rally the family to activities and maybe to church.
We have places we try to get to at a set time.
It may be a meeting conference room or a grocery store.
It may be the little league field or a girl school meeting.
It may be the gym or a college lecture.
No single day, of course, ever goes exactly according to plan.
But the earth rotates at the same pace for everyone, and eventually we call it a day.
The next morning, we start it all over.
Every new day, we have control over where we are going.
What is unpredictable is who crosses our path en route to our destinations.
We bump into a friend in line at Starbucks.
We see a familiar face on the metro bus.
We run into a co-worker on the elevator.
We knock into our neighbor’s shopping cart at the grocery store.
We run into someone we know at the ballpark (photo herein from MLBlogs Network).
When we are trying to get someplace else, we seem hard wired to ask the proverbial question in a hasty tone: How are you?
Our inquiry is usually sincere, but the underlying translation may really be…
I’m kind of in a rush, but it is nice to see you.
The Problem is the Question
How are you? ranks right up there with other useless questions spoken in a rush…
What’s up?
How’s your day?
Nice weather, isn’t it?
How are you doing?
These questions are useless because the responses are useless…
What’s up? Not much.
How’s your day? It’s good.
Nice weather, isn’t it? Indeed it is.
How are you doing? I’m fine.
Try a Different Question
If you accept there is more to life than complete randomness (and if you don’t believe that, I dare you to try this experiment as well)…
When you “accidentally” run into someone you know this week, avoid any question that accommodates a one or two-word response.
Instead, discover something that matters.
And you will discover why you were there at that moment.
Here’s what I like to ask…
So, what’s been on your mind lately?
Without fail when I ask this question, I make two observations.
One, I never get a terse one or two-word response.
Nobody has ever responded “Nothing”.
Why? Because we’re always thinking about something!
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:34)
Two, everybody has something heavy on their heart.
It may be a family member fighting illness.
Or the person has a big exam coming up.
Or they are under stress for financial or emotional reasons.
Other days, they have something to celebrate!
You Are There for a Reason
When you discover the something that matters, take action.
Consider the immediate impact of a kind word or two of encouragement.
Or you may know a resource that may help them.
Or you may offer to pray for them (I’ve started to do that for real).
Or simply cheer for them!
Remember what Jesus commanded his disciplines to do:
34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35)
Avoid useless questions and you will receive useful responses.
And then make a difference at that moment.
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What are your thoughts and experience?
What questions do you like to ask others?
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There’s a young woman in my office to whom very few people speak. One day I asked her how things were going and I STOPPED. We were passing in the hall and I stopped, expecting an answer. I looked in her eyes. She poured out a story of a new house and a new kitten and when her boyfriend popped the question, she came to show me the ring. I may be the only person in the office who got the news. I think that’s very sad.
Thank you Caron for sharing. You blessed that woman’s day! She was so proud and rightfully so. You did something most of us (including me) have failed to do time and time again.. You stopped to listen!
The first rule of communicating is to be a good listener. I find that very difficult to do at times because my mind is usually caught up in it’s own self. However, when I do LISTEN, I learn so much more. Most folks enjoy talking about themselves when given the opportunity. To take the time and show an interest in another person is a gift in itself. It says to them “You matter to me”, and that means a lot to people. Brent, you matter to me and I enjoy “listening” to your blog.
God Bless!
Thank you Brother Kyle. We all need to strive to be better listeners. No argument there.
Yes this is so true. People know if you really care about what you are asking about. It helps if we are listening to God’s heart on things we attempt to hear an others heart! The christian radio station in my area has a bumper sticker out that says “God is speaking…are you listening”?
A very thought provoking topic. I often think of these daily encounters to be an opportunity to share the gospel. But, how is a challenge? If the Lord does give me an opportunity to take the conversation past “How are you”, I then ask if I can pray for them. More times than not they are open to prayer and then I just let the Holy Spirit do what He does best!
Sometimes, “How is your family” takes the conversation further. We all love to talk about the kids, grand kids, even pets.
Thanks Dawn for sharing. I like the family question. That’s a good suggestion. We certainly do think of loved ones first.
Thanks for this message,
I spoke with the Father briefly this morning prior to reading this post.
Now, I realize I spoke “at” the Father with useless statements designed to avoid answers as I am busy. No different than the ” How are You” question.
Time to revisit my rushed time with God this a.m. Thanks for this post.
Thank you Brother Allen for sharing.
I’d switched my conversation starter question over to “what are you doing interesting lately” and have been dismayed to find that most everyone shrugs and says “nothing”. It was not the opener I thought it would be.
I do follow up with local points of interest that I’ve been at lately and that has helped get people talking, but I’m amazed at how few people can think of what they’ve done lately that they can talk to a stranger about.
Hi Nancy. I like your suggestion. I’d be very happy to share information if asked that question
. Generally speaking, it may be easier for people to share what they are thinking vs what they are doing. There is certainly no question we are always thinking about something! Whether we are doing something interesting, I guess that’s all relative 
.