I’ve spent my entire life going to church.
Every Sunday morning like clockwork.
It is arguably the most stressful morning of the week.
Get the kids showered, dressed, and fed at the same time (not to mention Mom and Dad).
Then load them into the minivan with smiles on their faces (knowing we were once again 10 minutes late to Sunday School).
My wife deserved a medal just for getting us into the church parking lot at any hour.
The problem wasn’t simply religion, it was us.
If anything goes wrong (and it always did), the stress level exploded at everyone.
We placed so much emphasis about going to church at a set day and time, we stopped being the church.
“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” (Matthew 18:20)
I stopped going to church because I stopped being the church.
It was a terribly passive form of Christianity.
I now try to approach every new day with the opportunity to be the church.
Every conversation with a friend or a stranger can be the church.
I’m still a huge proponent of regular gatherings in His Name.
I meet up with other Brothers every Tuesday and Friday at a set time and location.
And yes, my family regularly participates in corporate worship on Sunday mornings.
And if we don’t make it for whatever reason, that’s ok.
Mornings are still stressful.
My wife and and I would have to be the Incredibles to have a perfect morning out the door.
But I do have to say…
A daily attitude of being the church takes a lot of the pressure off a weekly attitude of simply going to church.
Otherwise, we mistakenly feel we have one token hour on a Sunday morning to impress God.
Now THAT is stressful!
*
For additional reference, two of my favorite books on this theme are:
So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore by Wayne Jacobsen and Dave Coleman
Bo’s Cafe: A Novel by John Lynch, Bill Thrall, and Bruce McNicol
*
What is your experience and advice about going to church?
*
Stay connected and inspired!
Sign up now for future Full-Time Christianity blog posts and to receive a free personalized “Love Is” Bible verse via email.
You can unsubscribe at any time and your email address will never be shared.
*
Brent,
Thanks for such a great blog post. I think I’ve had some of the same thoughts regarding the passivity and pressure of trying to encapsulate all of my Christianity into a weekly visit. Unfortunately this was always a vague kernel of an idea – I was never able to articulate it as you have here. (And I’ve never had the stress of getting the whole family there – I’m sure you do a better job at that than I’d ever be able to.)
What you have written is quite correct, not for just the individual, but what we call the church these days. I fully agree that we have been so consumed with being at church, that we have failed to be the Church. Thanks for your words, and may God bless you and your family. Jeff
Thank you Mike and Jeff for your kind comments and support. Mike – All credit for getting the family out the door goes to Eve. It is challenge enough for me to get anywhere on time
.
Well for me, church is much more than just Sunday. It is a lifestyle. We need to strive to live our religion every day, every hour. The culmination of the week is Sunday, where we gather together to partake of the emblems (sacrament).
Family is central to God’s creation. We belive that God’s glory is in families and that the family is the basic unit of church. So, yes the inconveniences of packing the kids up to prepare to worship are there. Been there, done that. But seeing your kids, now married and have kids of their own going to church. That is very satisfying for me.
Agreed! Thank you Rick for the valuable feedback.
these days church is a business to keep people giving their hard earned money… and keep them so busy they do not have time to read the Bible for themselves…..because id they had the time to read the bible for themselves they would know that Most so called preacher twist scripture, or flat out lie, practice witchcraft and all soughts of ungodly stuff……….
they scare people into thinking giving a tenth of their income and a love offering is going to make all the hurt go away…….because people don’t have time to read the bible and they get hoodwinked.
I don’t have that impression Lizz where I’ve visited. But I am sorry for any pain you have. Believe me, my trust has been betrayed by church leaders. But for different reasons.
Being a former Sunday School Superintendant while also being a parent getting my own boys out the door on time, I have often wondered why Sundays are so challenging. Every family can get their kids to school for 8:30 during the week, why is 9:45 on Sunday such a challenge?
And yes, absolutely, church on Sunday is an extension of who we are everyday during the week, it is not a place to attend once a week.
Hi Esther. That’s a great observation! Thank you for sharing. -Brent
Thank you for the excellent post. I left a wonderful church in Mechanicsville several years ago to fellowship primarily in home or small gatherings. I found, after over 30 years in church leadership in several churches I was part of as I was transferred around the country by my company, that the institutional needs of clergy and building always crowded out the relationship-based community that I believe is the mystery of the gospel described in Ephesians 3.
No matter how charismatic the leadership or noble the vision, averything but Christ and His body seems to have a limited “shelf-life.” As we connect daily to Christ and His body through relationships, He will feed us with His life and move us to serve in new and vital ways that never end in their life and freshness.
Thank you Brother Wendell for sharing. I am blessed by your valuable experience. I want to discover more about your home ministry. -Brent
When I was in church leadership, we talked about lengthening the time we were at church so it wasn’t so rushed. We’re not talking about a charismatic church that could go on all afternoon. Just a run-of-the-mill Midwest church. You might have heard the GASP from the pastoral leadership. THEY were the ones who said no. They were convinced no one would ever stand for it. And I don’t entirely disagree with them. Too early and the families won’t come, too late and the elderly won’t come. It’s exhausting. I believe the congregations these days want church to fit in rather than making church on Sunday the priority. And I say this as one experienced in getting two children up, dressed, fed and to church in the morning. On that note, I said to a young man on the pastoral staff that the moms weren’t reading the bulletins. They get stuffed in Bibles, maybe. They get read later on, probably not. He took issue with me (insulted me in the process – another post). The following Sunday, I overheard two of the younger moms laughing about how they never. read. the. bulletin.
This comment is almost it’s on blog post! Sorry. But I want to also point out that what you’re saying could also be said about Easter. I like the proper use of a Lenten approach to Easter – it takes time, reflection and purpose. Otherwise, Easter will rush in on us and we do not have time to savor the most important event in all of human history.
Thank you Caron for the wonderful response. What a great story! You’ve got a handful of great blog posts right here
. I’m with you on the bulletins. -Brent
When our children were teenagers, I had a dream that our family was going to church over and over again every Sunday (like the movie, Groundhog Day) but traveling in circles was not paying off in their lives. In reality, our family regularly attended church, as I believed then, and now, that we owe everything to God and worship is a must. I focused on whatever I had to do to enjoy Sundays, and our family learned to get to church every Sunday with minimal disruption. But when my kids were teens, attending church failed to teach them what I had hoped; thus, my “Groundhog Day” dream of driving to church in monotonous circles resulted in something short of the true meaning, learning and obedience to God for which I had hoped for my children. What was really lacking was a HOME that failed to teach God’s Word every day as well as it should have. We were too busy doing other things even though I was a stay-at-home mom. I encourage parents to focus on making Sunday a joyful day of worshiping and learning about the Lord and then enjoying the “REST” of the day. Then when you’re at home every day make sure your FIRST priority is for you to learn, and then teach your children(Deuteronomy 6:4-9) how to “…Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind…and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Matthew 22:37). You will be blessed.
Thank you Pam for sharing! I think I’ve had the Groundhog Day dream myself
. I do concur that it all starts and ends at Home. As parents, we have a tremendous responsibility.
Love your blog on “being the church” I am just learning what that looks like according to the Word of God. When we “get it” it is a huge revelation and transformation.
Thanks Dawn! It is indeed.
I definitely agree that the Christian life is more than just Sunday at church…it should be lived every day of our lives. But I also believe that attending a church fellowship is an important part of that. It’s a very important part for me.
I concur Pam. Attending a church fellowship is a valuable experience. Thanks for sharing.
is Sunday truly the sabbath
and since most people work all week…
should’nt they be out at least half of Sunday spreading the Gospel after all if your in church all day with people who already are being feed ——who are your help?
I think we should be out spreading the gospel every day of the week by our daily actions around others.
I was a sold out church goer, very committed to church leadership and attendance until three Pastors in a row committed adultery and split the church. Just as bad was none of them did a whole lot for the poor and disadvantaged in the church or community. I’m also fed up with how they tweak and twist the New Testament to include curses from the Old Covenant for those who are too poor to tithe. Too bad I’ve read my whole bible and know that Christ took all curses for those in him and nailed it to the cross.
Galatians 3:13 “Christ has redeemed us from the curse or the law. SO they lie about you will be cursed with the MALACHI CURSE IN THE Old Testament to collect tithes. Jesus said Paid in full, not PAY IN FULL. Stop selling God’s free gift of Grace & Salvation.
Galatians 3:13 Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us—for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who is hanged on a tree”
Galatians 3:14 so that in Christ Jesus the blessing of Abraham might come to the Gentiles, so that we might receive the promised Spirit through faith
Colossians 2:14 He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross.
Church leaders need to repent for lying about being cursed for not being able to tithe ten percent on every dollar, then they may gain my trust and have some credibility.
Thanks for the comment. I am sorry to hear you were exposed to such fallen men in your church leadership ranks. I can relate. I’m not against tithing to help those in need, but I draw the line at tithing as a basis for church membership or to support ministries that are spreading false gospel.
If some people are not in a position to help out monetarily (through a church or other non profit agencies) then I encourage them to give of their time and service (which to be honest can have a much greater impact).
We all have gifts to share. Some people have been blessed with financial wisdom and can give easily from their pocket. Other people have amazing skills that are worth their weight in gold when offered to those in need.
In 1995 I became a born-again Christian at a Baptist church in MD.
My children and I attended every Sunday and for occasional get togethers at other times. My daughter spent 3 years doing child care for 1 & 2 year olds so their parents could attend services in peace. My daughter became pregnant at 16 and gave birth to my 1st grandchild on the last day of 1998. The church offered baby dedications once a month , but when we asked to have my grandson dedicated , we were met by a nasty attitude and told the church did not dedicate children born out of wedlock. I will not repeat what I said back. Over the years I’ve tried other church buildings , but it never lasts longer than a month or 2.
I’ve decided I prefer the personal daily relationship with Christ much more than any building that uses His name.
Hi Denise,
Thank you for sharing. I’m sorry to hear of your pain. I’m happy to hear of your personal daily relationship. Do you have an idea why other churches don’t last longer than a month or two?
Thanks for the article. We stopped going to church for quite a while now, i have regular meetings with some close friends, but a really hard time getting my family and to go sundays. We just got so burned out on the repetion of the service. It was to much entertainment than fellowship. I remember asking God why is it this way? There was no life no real community….it was just coming and going. It was to much about those in the church and not reaching the lost, to many building campaigns, fun and show it left us feeling alone for we hungered for real fellowship that was not confind to a building but a body and no one understood. Now we dont know what to do.
Thank you Mike for the comment. I certainly know the feeling. I stay active in a men’s bible group during the week. My family is also looking into Saturday night worship instead of Sunday morning. The change of pace and atmosphere may be what we are seeking to stay inspired and involved in the church. I hope you keep seeking. You’ll find the right community of believers.
I sometimes wonder why I bother to go to church as I thought it should be a place of primarily worshiping the Lord and Christian fellowship. I love people of all walks of life and truly love the Lord with all my heart and soul; however, whenever I attend church I leave feeling like a lost soul and that I am “invisible” to all those around me. I love the worship part; however, I feel no love or companionship from anyone around me even though I always make a point of saying something nice to all those around me. If no one is going to even speak to me I feel as if I might as well stay home and spend my time studying. God’s Word and in prayer. I can watch the service via the internet. I have even tried attending small Bible Studies, as I LOVE reading and studying God’s Word, again I felt nothing but rejection because everyone else knew each other and I wasn’t part of their group. I have found this at almost all the churches I have attended over the years. If you aren’t in their social group you just aren’t accepted. Sadly to say, as much as I love church I don’t want to go because I dislike the empty feeling that I have when I come and go and no one even looks at me and says even a simple “hello” or “hope to see you next week”. I moved here about a year ago and have gone to a couple of different churches only to find the same thing. I have found that church (NOT GOD) simply brings me down and leaves me feeling hurt and empty inside. I continue to pray for God’s guidance for a warm and loving church family but all my past experiences have only led me further and further away from attending any church. Have our churches and the people in them all become pious Pharisees? I hate that I feel this way as I truly have a very deep and personal relationship with Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior and I know that He wants us to fellowship with other Christians; however, this is rather difficult to do when you are an “invisible” being and not part of their group. Since I am new to this area I was hoping to meet some new Christian friends but that just doesn’t seem to be happening. I am a friendly, positive, clean, loving and caring person and I just am really struggling with the issue of whether I should go to Church on Sunday only to leave feeling rejected. I will continue to pray for God’s guidance in this situation and I know that in His time He will lead me in the right direction. In the meantime, I have been watching the service from home, via the internet with God by my side and I don’t have to deal with the rejection week after week as it hurts too much.
Hi Wendy,
Thank you for your heartfelt comment. I applaud your commitment to staying in the Word. I am sorry to hear of your frustrating experiences at church. I’m going through a congregational transition right now (which means I’m a stranger too) but I’ve come to realize I’m the one responsible for welcoming others into my life and not the other way around. I’ve tried the tv / internet worship route but I felt disconnected from the body of Christ (because I was). I pray you keep searching for a worship home. When you said you moved “here” where specifically did you mean (e.g. Central Virginia)?
By here, Brent, I meant that I had moved from Western Michigan Southeast Michigan. I have made several attempts to introduce myself to the pastor, office staff and to various members of the churches. I don’t really feel that it is that I am not putting an effort forth to connect with people. I have worked with people from all walks of life having retired from working as a visiting nurse, a property and casualty insurance agent and for a major excess and surplus lines firm as an underwriter/manager. I must agree to disagree with you that I need to take more responsibility for communicating with others as I have excellent communication skills and can talk to anyone and have made numerous efforts to do so. I think that part of the problem that I am facing, being older (61) is that the churches are becoming “Mega” churches and people just come and go and it is extremely difficult to get to know other people; however, I thought by joining some small groups this would be more beneficial. I have not found that to have worked out much better. After giving this some prayer last night and talking with God about the situation perhaps it would be in my best interest to look for a smaller church as both of these churches were large churches and perhaps one just gets lost in the crowd. I do feel very much disconnected from the church body by only watching via the internet and very disconnected in a new area as well which was why I wanted to find a church right away and reconnect with Christian friends. I thank you for your input and I will continue to put this matter in God’s hands and I am sure He will in time show me the right direction. God bless you and have a wonderful day.
Wendy – Thanks for the follow up. I have no doubt you are doing all you can to reach out to others. I’ve admittedly struggled in the past (still do) to connect with new people in person. Smaller churches certainly have their advantages. I concur that larger (mega) churches are near impossible to feel connected to unless there is an active and intentional small group program for all members. I’m certain too that you will find the direction you are seeking.
Brent – I can completely relate. Sunday mornings were the most stressful days of the week for my family of six. More often than not we would drive 25 minutes to show up 15 minutes late for an hour long service. We haven’t been to “church” in the past year but not for the reasons one would surmise from this posting.
There were many issues I had with our church in addition to feeling as though I was allowing someone to “spoon feed” my family their interpretation of the bible. I decided to commit myself to becoming a student of the bible and it’s associated history. I’m embarrassed it took me so long.
Unfortunately, I believe most churches have turned into nothing more than marketing machines whose primary goal is to bring in enough money to support a bloated staff and a “God worthy” building with some charity sprinkled in here and there. A cynical view I know.
Thanks Chris. Don’t be embarrassed it took you awhile to become a student of the Bible. I’m right there with you. I applaud your commitment to the Word now. As for “going to church” I’ve been betrayed multiple times by church leaders but I’m always thankful today for the opportunity to worship with other believers.
I understand completely where Wendy is coming from. That’s why it doesn’t seem worth even looking for a church anymore. The other churches I’ve tried seem to be OK at first , and I know it’s always uncomfortable in a new place , so I try to get to know at least a few people. But the conversations tend to never progress any further than niceties and platitudes. That gets old quick. There seems to be a lot of focus on entertainment value , not the worship of our Creator. More time spent having events – especially for teens and children , than on services for all.
I haven’t been to any church in more than a year now. I doubt that I will try again to find one.
Thank you Denise for commenting. I hope you continue to search for a place of worship. No church location per se is perfect but the church body of Christ is made perfect. We all need to celebrate and at other times grieve in the company of others. We were never meant to go alone.